What's the Big Deal…pt. 2: How Men & Women Are Different

On 5/21/17, I taught the 5th part of my church's relationship series. My topic was, “What is the big deal between men & women?”, which I decided to turn into a blog-article. Because of it's length, I have divided it into SEVERAL blog-articles. Part 1 went over "How men and women are similar". Here in Part 2, I cover "How men and women are different".

Disclaimer: I'm not a fan of topicy-topics, and this topic is so broad and so polarizing that up until after both services I was not sure how it was going to be received. Surprisingly, it was received far better than I could've imagined. Awesome how the Holy Spirit works, right! Based on the feedback I received, and since I had manuscripted the whole message (minus the parts where I expounded on the Bible references, and so on), I decided to post it along with the link to the audio sermon.

May this not only bless you but challenge you to better understand and obey God accordingly.
 

How are men and women different?

–According to Scripture, we are different universally…

1. in our individuality (Ps. 139:13-16) 

While your biology defines you as a man or woman (i.e. male = man; female = woman, cf. Gen. 1:27), it is your character (i.e. the sum of your traits, disposition, and convictions) as an individual man or woman that defines what kind of a man or woman you are. When you add

how God fearfully and uniquely created you in His image
+ your sinful nature (which has distorted some of God’s image in you)
+ how you’ve been nurtured and influenced throughout your life (i.e. “the days that were formed for [you]”)
= your individuality that defines what kind of a man or woman you are.

And therein lies another reason why men and women are different, because this equation is filled in differently for each person. Hence, you will never find two of the same individuals (not even twins). So, men and women, embrace and appreciate your God-shaped individualities without equating superiority or inferiority to the other, because your individuality is what makes you “you” and others “them”.

Now, I’m not saying we have to like everybody. I’m also not saying we have to like everything about everybody. I’m saying because we’re co-equal in value to God, co-equal in our humanness, and (for believers) co-equal in our status in Christ, we have to value and respect the different individualities of other men and women.

–According to Scripture, we are different, exclusively for those who are born-again...

2. in our roles in marriage 

Scripture is clear from OT to NT, man has his particular instructions for his role/responsibility as “husband” and woman has her particular instructions for her role/responsibility as “wife”. The most emphatic and defining example of the difference in the roles in marriage is Jesus and the Church (Eph. 5:22-33). Jesus’ marriage with the Church is a model of how the roles in a marriage relationship are to be:

• Jesus = groom/husband

  • Christian husband’s role = sacrificial love, servant leadership, and to exhaustively care for, protect, pursue, and value his wife like Jesus does so for His Bride/the Church
    

• Church = bride/wife

  • Christian wife’s role = loving, respecting, pursuing, and following her husband’s lead like the Church does so unto Jesus

Notice something, Jesus never steps into the Church’s role and the Church cannot step into Jesus’ role. There is a clear and necessary distinction in these roles. To change or ignore this undermines and rejects the nature of the relationship with Christ and His Church as well as the clear instructions to each spouse in Scripture. The consequences of changing or ignoring or disobeying these distinct roles in marriage leads to the same kind of fallout as Adam and Eve—

Adam dropped the ball in his role and left his wife vulnerable and that led to sin, death, and destruction entering; Eve dropped the ball in her role and that too led to sin, death, and destruction entering; neither of them were innocent because both stepped outside of their roles.

God gave us these different roles in marriage for two reasons…

(i)for our complementary benefit (they serve & support one another, not compete with one another), and

(ii)when carried out rightly (which we can do because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit) these roles, even through our imperfect marriage, still portrays the hidden beauty of Christ and the Church.

Marriage also portrays the hidden beauty of the Holy Trinity.

• The two, husband and wife, become one flesh = plurality in oneness.

  • There is plurality in the oneness of God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

• Husband and wife are equal as image-bearers, equal in their humanness, and equal in Christ, but are also distinct in their individuality and roles.

  • The Trinity is co-equal as God and distinct in personhood as God.

• Thus, marriage as a portrait of the hidden beauty of the Holy Trinity.

All of this reinforces the severity of marriage, because marriage portrays to a watching world the hidden beauty of Christ’s relationship with His Church and the Holy Trinity. Therefore, Christian singles should not rush into marriage and Christian spouses cannot afford to be lazy in marriage. 

These 2 are how men and women are different: (i)in our individuality, and specifically for Christians, (ii)in our roles in marriage. We need to respect each other appropriately in these ways without any inferiority or superiority shown to one over the other. Yes it will be tough, but we can do so through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.