What's the Big Deal…pt. 3: How Things Get Complicated
On 5/21/17, I taught the 5th part of my church's relationship series. My topic was, “What is the big deal between men & women?”, which I decided to turn into a blog-article. Because of it's length, I have divided it into SEVERAL blog-articles. Part 1 went over “How men and women are similar”. Part 2 went over “How men and women are different”. Here in part 3, I cover “How things get complicated”.
Disclaimer: I'm not a fan of topicy-topics, and this topic is so broad and so polarizing that up until after both services I was not sure how it was going to be received. Surprisingly, it was received far better than I could've imagined. Awesome how the Holy Spirit works, right! Based on the feedback I received, and since I had manuscripted the whole message (minus the parts where I expounded on the Bible references, and so on), I decided to post it along with the link to the audio sermon.
May this not only bless you but challenge you to better understand and obey God accordingly.
How things get complicated...
For Christians, our normal response to how things get complicated between men and women is what...? Sin. And maybe some of us will include and say “our differences/incompatibilities”, right? Yet as men and women, we complicate relationships not solely because of the generality of sin or because we’re different, but also because sin, selfishness, and fear specifically corrupts how we view our similarities and the good from our differences. And that corruption turns us either chauvinistic toward the other or preferential towards what’s familiar.
So you know what happens then? You get us men who, in our thinking, attitudes, and behaviors, whether knowingly or unknowingly, undervalue or devalue women. So much so, that by the 1800s women began contending for liberation from the discrimination of male domination; and the Bible was the basis for this movement in the USA. And from the broader positive perspective of that movement, they were right to use the Bible as we’ve already seen in this blog series from our shared similarities. Feminism exists because of the sin of men having consciously and persistently failed at treating women and loving our wives like Scripture commands.
Men, women are not to be objectified sexually or by their appearance (this includes our wives too). They are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such. Be intentional about guarding against your lust and checking your desires for sex because of lust.
Christian men, as husbands, marriage is not your totalitarian domain. You are to be servant-leaders who follow Jesus’ example in how He leads His Bride/the Church. How you lead your wife affects how she loves you, and that ripples down to how your kids will lead and love their future spouses.
Men, don’t presume a woman’s role is to motherhood only or to be a stay-at-home wife/mom only. That can (not will, but can) limit the beauty and potential of their God-designed individuality.
Men, no woman owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.
You know what else happens because of sin, selfishness, and fear specifically corrupting how we view our similarities and the good from our differences? You get women, yes, you ladies, who, in your thinking, attitudes, and behaviors, whether knowingly or unknowingly, either overvalue men or become manipulative or biased toward men.
Christian wives, your husband is not an emperor or a savior, you are not a subservient subject or a co-dependent doormat. You are to be lovers of Jesus your Savior and seek to ultimately please Him in your marriage as He has instructed you.
Christian wives, on the other hand, don’t misapply God’s design for marriage by removing or reinterpreting or reversing the distinct roles He’s clearly and repeatedly laid out in Scripture for both you and your husband—even if your husband isn’t living up to it (cf. 1Pet. 3). Be on your guard against the curse of Eve (cf. Gen. 3:16), because your fleshly desire will be, in some way, for your husband’s role.
Women, you are not to “use what you got to get what you want”, that is sinful and distorts and devalues the beauty of God’s image in you.
Women, men are not sugar-daddies or boy-toys or meal-tickets or emotional plug-ins. They too are image-bearers of God who are to be treated, valued, and loved as such.
Women, don’t assume the worst of men to the point that you become guilty of the same sin committed against you—discrimination, unfairness, chauvinism.
Women, despite the centuries of male chauvinism, no man owes you a single thing. You, like they, are indebted to God alone and none other.
Bottom line, things get complicated (and real messy) between men and women when we do not view or treat each other as God defines in Scripture. Therefore, we must recognize our necessity of each other.
Man was incomplete without woman (cf. Gen. 2:20).
This would then imply woman was incomplete without man (for she came from man).
And since the beginning, they now both come from one another (cf. 1Cor. 11:11-12).
This means neither man nor woman is superior or inferior to the other. In actuality, this affirms our necessity and complementation of each other. Otherwise, man and woman would still be incomplete.